Anxiety? Neurologically it is all about Survival
This section of my blog is an educational, and “how to” section on managing anxiety, whether it is about your children, or anything else you encounter in life.
My last post in this category discussed the importance of learning to manage your own anxiety so that you can be clear-headed, present and as calm as possible in attending to your children’s emotional needs. This is particularly difficult to do if you have experienced early and chronic fearful, chaotic, neglectful, or traumatic situations in your own lives.
If your children are experiencing anything that leads you to fear for their emotional or physical safety (illness, abuse, disability, bullying, etc.), it can exacerbate this earlier smoldering anxiety, triggering you neurologically to shift into fight or flight (survival) mode. As you can imagine, this is not the best state for parenting or for living life, unless there is actual danger at hand.
It is common to be living life in survival mode and not even know it. If life has always felt this way, it is easy to assume that this is what life is supposed to feel like.
In this post I’d like to help you to become more aware of your own personal signs that you are operating in survival mode. Having this awareness and being able to “red flag” it will empower you in learning to be more in control of your emotional reactions. Future posts will focus on ways to sooth your nervous system, and bring yourself out of survival mode once you have “red flagged” the signs that you are in it.
Knowing when you are in survival mode is a powerful first step in learning to manage it.
Symptoms of Survival Mode
I’m sure you are familiar with the concept of “Fight or Flight.” It is the mammalian part of your neurological system that is triggered when you perceive that your survival (or your off-spring’s survival) is at stake. This perception of danger can occur subliminally, subconsciously and habitually, without your conscious awareness. In moments of actual danger, this reaction can be lifesaving.
If your prior experiences of a lack of safety (emotionally and environmentally, as well as physically) have been chronic and unpredictable, you can unconsciously be living in this primed-for-action survival mode even when your safety is no longer at stake. If you are accustomed to living life in a vigilant, alert, and quick to run or to fight state, survival mode is a part of the fabric of your everyday life. (As food for thought, please note that for humans, “running and fighting” behaviors are much more varied and complex than our non-human mammal predecessors, and do not necessarily involve physical activity!) .
There is a third, less well known aspect to survival mode. It is the polar opposite of a fight or flight state. Akin to the under-aroused physiological state of the prey that “plays dead” when the predator is upon them, it has been labeled the “freeze” response. This third aspect of survival mode is particularly evident if there is both a lack of safety and a feeling of helplessness to do anything about it. The “freeze” response creates symptoms that are quite different then the fight or flight mode.
So, we have Fight-Flight-Freeze as characteristic over and under-aroused neurological responses to danger (actual or feared, known or unknown). In learning to manage your anxiety it is important to be able to identify when you are experiencing both under and over-aroused neurological activation symptoms.
Knowing your own go-to symptoms is a vital tool in managing your emotional state. It empowers you to consciously choose to do something to bring yourself out of survival mode, empowering you to respond with greater clarity, awareness and perspective to the current situation.
In contrast, in survival mode, you are usually unconsciously reacting to dangers that have long past. Living in survival mode has a negative impact on your health (emotionally and physiologically) as well as your interactions with your children, your loved ones, and the world.
Everyone has some survival mode symptoms from time to time. It is the number of symptoms, the amount of time you are in this state during the day, the severity of the symptoms, and the degree to which these symptoms affect your everyday functioning that is important.
Symptoms of over-arousal (fight or flight) include:
Insomnia, chronic physiological tension, startle reactions, panic, anxiety, quick temperedness, excessive anger or aggressiveness, impulsiveness, being easily overwhelmed, hypervigilance, an urge to escape (physically or mentally), distractedness, chronic worrying or obsessing, and trouble concentrating.
Symptoms of under-arousal (freeze) include:
Numbing out, withdrawing, feeling “not there”, fatigue, helplessness and resignation, depression, slow response time, trouble concentrating, shutting down, dissociating, not seeing the obvious, or an inability to acknowledge current reality.
If you struggle with anxiety, or think you are habitually responding to life from survival mode, my suggestion is to take note of your “go to” symptoms from the above list and practice “red flagging” these symptoms when they are occurring. Please be patient with yourself. Your ability to do this will increase bit by bit over time. The goal here is just to increase your conscious awareness of your habitual responses.
“Red flagging” these symptoms empowers you to make more conscious choices in managing your internal state as we move forward with more “how to” posts. The first step is to notice the moments when you are responding to life in survival mode
For now, nonjudgmentally notice the symptom, then mentally hit the pause button and pair it with a few deep breaths. Future posts in this category will include teaching you various methods for managing your internal neurological and emotional state.