Twelve Suggestions for Creating a Happy Marriage

1. Contrary to what the media would have us believe, love is not something that you “get” from another person. It is an inner experience that you can cultivate through consciously choosing to act lovingly.  By this I mean acting with kindness, patience, acceptance, forgiveness, and generosity of spirit. You are the one who determines the amount of love and happiness that you experience in your life.

2. Your relationship is molded over time by daily habits. Be mindful of how your daily habits are affecting your relationship. Keep doing the little loving and considerate things that you have cultivated during your courtship.

3. Practice being the kind of person that you want your spouse to be. In treating your partner lovingly, you will be setting the pattern for how the two of you interact with each other. Through your kind actions, you are providing the emotional safety that is essential for love to survive and to grow.

4. Respect and take the time to truly understand each other’s feelings, viewpoints, and needs. If you disagree with each other’s viewpoint, respect is even more essential. In fact, treating your partner with respect is a vital and essential element of any healthy relationship.

5. If the problem is yours, the responsibility for fixing it is also yours. Relationships are opportunities for personal growth. If you do not use the opportunities your relationship gives you to grow, you will no doubt have to confront this growth need repeatedly during your life, in this and other relationships.Taking responsibility for your own actions and issues will save you much angst over time. It is an essential ingredient for a healthy relationship as it provides your partner with emotional safety, and a relationship that continues to grow, rather than become stagnant or die.

6. A harmonious relationship requires self-discipline. This includes putting the effort into speaking caringly with your partner even when you are angry or upset, continuing to be considerate and polite, even when it requires extra effort, and being willing to make sacrifices for your partner’s happiness, or for reestablishing love and connection in your relationship.

7. Affirm each other as individuals, and support each other’s growth, dreams, and aspirations.

8. Be True to yourself. Your individual life journey is as important as your journey together as partners.

9. Consciously choose to grow from mistakes and hard times. Doing so allows you to benefit from whatever you encounter in life. Over time, it allows you to build skills that pave the way for a smoother life journey.

10. Work to stay open and vulnerable, especially in difficult times. A guarded heart will shield you from love, joy, and connection with everything that makes life meaningful.

11. Don’t let the sweet moments of life pass unnoticed. Attending to the constant demands of life can sometimes become our sole focus. Remember to smile, laugh, and light-heartedly share with each other daily.

12. Remember that you are not alone. Your community of family and friends as well as your spiritual relationship are essential aspects of your lives together. Make time for nurturing these connections as well.

Growing and sharing your love is your gift to your loved ones, yourself, God and to life itself.